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There's No Place Like Home

"There's no place like home," - a sentiment we all know well and probably one of the most famous movie lines of all time. A line from a movie that is almost as famous as the infamous line. I doubt there are many people in this world who have not heard of or who have not seen 'The Wizard of Oz'.

The Wizard of Oz has always been a personal favourite of mine. It is one of those movies that it doesn't matter how many times I've seen it, I'll happily sit and watch it again while singing along to all the songs knowing every single word. Anyone who knows me well, knows I'm a bit of a Judy Garland nerd, so I'm pretty much sold on anything she's appeared in. Yet, it is only recently that I have truly begun to resonate with the premise and the lesson that the film provides. Most of us know that there is simply no place quite like our own home. That place where we spend a lot of our time and where all of our possessions are. Where we have made the place somewhere we can feel safe and cosy. It is the place we come home to after a day of work and put our feet up with a good book, a game or something on the telly. And yet sometimes we yearn for something different, something that takes us out of our comfort zone and mixes things up. Something that takes away the 'humdrum' of our everyday life. But why is that? Why do we yearn for something more when we have everything we need at home? I have been in that place for a long time now. I've been yearning for that something different and not appreciating the place that I call home, the possessions I've gained and the comfort it gives me. I've been looking for that rainbow, just like Dorothy was. To travel to the other side and explore the greener grass and bluer skies. But, the truth is, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. And as everyone knows the end of the rainbow is next to impossible to find.

I've been lost in life for a number of years now. At one point I felt I knew what I was doing, where I was going and what I wanted out of life. I was exploring my passion for film and had begun to make some short films which had successful runs on the indie film festival circuit. They were beginning to gain some traction and I along with it. And then it all went away, primarily because I let it. I let some people get into my head, some people who didn't like the fact that I put the work in and put myself out there and tore me down because of it. It was hard to take as these were people I had worked with and started to become friends with, or so I thought. It soon became clear I was something they could use for their own gain and when they realised I had a strong voice and wouldn't be that woman they could walk all over, they bad-mouthed me instead. So, I ran away and hid. And to make it easier to do so Covid hit and the UK, like the rest of the world, went into lockdown. I moved into a new home just as we went into lockdown, which made it even easier to hide from everyone and everything as I now had a new house that needed a lot of decorating work etc. My house has been through several decorations since then as I haven't been quite able to 'decide' who I am, and therefore what my house should look/feel like, which kind of brings me to my point.

The point is, I've been trying to decide who I am rather than BEING who I am. And that, I've come to realise is a 'Cosy Nerd'. Instead of embracing who I am, I have been fighting it. I've been running from her, but the problem with that is you can never run away from yourself. It's like running on a treadmill and expecting to get to the other side of the track, it just isn't going to happen. I've had it in my mind that I need to be all in on something rather than embracing being someone who can be multiple things. I thought that if I was going to be a 'nerd' then I needed to dress in hoodies with characters on and fill my walls with movie posters and action figures, which is what I did when I was younger. But as I've gotten older that isn't how I want to live in terms of dress and what surrounds me in my home. I want my home to be a cosy place full of plants and books and not a movie poster in sight. It's been this internal battle that I've had for a long time, not helped by the likes of social media where people post and seem to be just one thing and fill their world with it. It wasn't until this past week when I stumbled across an Instagram account called something along the lines of 'The Cosy Gamer' that I realised that I can be two people. Not only can I be, but that I am. I'm the girl who loves her home to be a cosy and warm space filled with plants and candles. And that I am also the girl who is all nerd at heart in what she enjoys - playing computer games, watching science fiction and spending Saturday mornings watching kid's cartoons while I drink my morning coffee curled up on the sofa with a blanket on my knee, my dogs at my side and the view of my lovely garden.

A few weeks ago I didn't want to be at home. I couldn't see the enjoyment of it and yearned to be over the rainbow and walking barefoot on the greener grass just like Dorothy did in The Wizard of Oz - although she did it in ruby red shoes. But also like Dorothy, I have come to realise that there is really no place quite like home. And it is from my home that I am going to be exploring my old nerdy self and sharing with you as I do. I am going to be writing film reviews, books and movie scripts. Sharing with you my latest cosy book read and telling you all about my gaming adventures. So if you too think that you may fall under the category of 'Cosy Nerd' then come along for the ride. Find your cosy spot, get settled in and get nerdy!


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